Tommy Stewart is a fine football coach. He has done an excellent job with Champaign's Maroons.
But now he is trying to be a comedian.
In season, you know, he coaches the swimming team, and the other day he was being questioned about the chances of winning the Big 12 title.
"I don't believe we can win it," he said. "Not enough depth."—T. O. White, Champaign-Urbana News Gazette
Duffle Daugherty, coach at Michigan State, recently described the qualities he looks for in his athletes at the University. "Of course, we like them big," he said, "but we'll settle for players with 3 kinds of bones—a funny bone, a wishbone and a backbone. The funny bone is to enjoy a laugh, even at one's own expense. The wishbone is to think big, set one's goals high and to have dreams and ambitions. And the backbone—well, that's so a boy will have the gumption to get up and go to work and make all those dreams come true."—Roland F. Meissner, Jr., Nylic Review
"Dora is the dumbest girl I've ever seen?"
"She wants to know how many quarters in a baseball game."
"That's nothing. Margy wanted to know if a football coach has wheels."
A champion track man was once asked his recipe for winning races. "Well, it's simple," he said, "the thing to do is take the lead at the start and improve your position throughout the race."
Two women were returning from their first attempt at bowling.
The husband of one, an inveterate golfer, asked with a raised eyebrow: "How'd you make out?"
"Well," she said, "at least we didn't lose any balls."