A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.—Rudyard Kipling.
AUNT MARY—(horrified) "Good gracious. Harold, what would your mother say if she saw you smoking cigarets?"
HAROLD (calmly)—"She'd have a fit. They're her cigarets."
An Irish soldier on sentry duty had orders to allow no one to smoke near his post. An officer with a lighted cigar approached whereupon Pat boldly challenged him and ordered him to put it out at once.
The officer with a gesture of disgust threw away his cigar, but no sooner was his back turned than Pat picked it up and quietly retired to the sentry box.
The officer happening to look around, observed a beautiful cloud of smoke issuing from the box. He at once challenged Pat for smoking on duty.
"Smoking, is it, sor? Bedad, and I'm only keeping it lit to show the corporal when he comes as evidence agin you."