A Philadelphian, on his way to Europe, was experiencing seasickness for the first time. Calling his wife to his bedside, he said in a weak voice: "Jennie, my will is in the Commercial Trust Company's care. Everything is left to you, dear. My various stocks you will find in my safe-deposit box." Then he said fervently: "And, Jenny, bury me on the other side. I can't stand this trip again, alive or dead."—Joe King.
Motto for the dining saloon of an ocean steamship: "Man wants but little here below, nor wants that little long."
On the steamer the little bride was very much concerned about her husband, who was troubled with dyspepsia.
"My husband is peculiarly liable to seasickness, Captain," remarked the bride. "Could you tell him what to do in case of an attack?"
"That won't be necessary, Madam," replied the Captain; "he'll do it."
A clergyman who was holding a children's service at a Continental winter resort had occasion to catechize his hearers on the parable, of the unjust steward. "What is a steward?" he asked.
A little boy who had arrived from England a few days before held up his hand. "He is a man, sir," he replied, with a reminiscent look on his face, "who brings you a basin."
"The first day out was perfectly lovely," said the young lady just back from abroad. "The water was as smooth as glass, and it was simply gorgeous. But the second day was rough and—er—decidedly disgorgeous."
The great ocean liner rolled and pitched.
"Henry," faltered the young bride, "do you still love me?"
"More than ever, darling!" was Henry's fervent answer.
Then there was an eloquent silence.
"Henry," she gasped, turning her pale, ghastly face away, "I thought that would make me feel better, but it doesn't!"
There was a young man from Ostend,
Who vowed he'd hold out to the end;
But when half way over
From Calais to Dover,
He did what he didn't intend.
On the first morning of the voyage, the vessel ran into a nasty choppy sea, which steadily grew worse. There were twenty-five passengers at the captain's table for dinner, and he addressed them in an amiable welcoming speech:
"I hope that all twenty-five of you will have a pleasant trip." The soup appeared, and he continued: "I sincerely hope that this little assembly of twenty-four will thoroughly enjoy the voyage. I look upon these twenty-two smiling faces as a father upon his family, for I am responsible for the safety of this group of seventeen. And now I ask that all fourteen of you join me in drinking to a merry trip. Indeed, I believe that we eight are most congenial, and I applaud the good fortune that brought these three persons to my table. You and I, my dear sir, are—— Here, steward, clear away all those dishes, and bring me the fish."
The pair on their honeymoon were crossing the Channel, and the movement of the waves seemed to be going on right inside the bride. In a fleeting moment of internal calm she murmured pathetically to the bridegroom in whose arms she was clasped:
"Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, do you love me?"
"My darling!" he affirmed. "You know I love you with all my heart and soul—I worship you, I adore you, my precious oontsy-woontsy!"
The boat reeled, and a sickening pang thrilled through all the foundations of the bride's being.
"O dear, O dear!" she gasped. "I hoped that might help a little, but it didn't—not a bit!"
The seasick voyager on the ocean bowed humbly over the rail and made libation to Neptune. The kindly old gentleman who stood near remarked sympathetically:
"You have a weak stomach."
The victim paused in his distressing occupation to snort indignantly:
"Weak? Humph! I guess I can throw as far as anybody on this ship."
The wife of the seasick passenger was about to leave the stateroom for dinner. She inquired of her husband solicitously:
"George, shall I have the steward bring some dinner to you here?"
"No," was the reply, haltingly given between groans.
"But I wish, my dear, you would ask him to take it on deck and throw it over the rail for me."
The moralizing gentleman at the club remarked ponderously: "If there is anything in a man, travel will bring it out."
One who had just landed from a rough crossing agreed bitterly: "Especially ocean travel."