Sermon illustration

School Sermon Illustrations

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A Scottish farmer, being elected to the school board, visited the village school and tested the intelligence of the class by the question:

"Now, boys, can any of you tell me what nothing is?"

After a moment's silence a small boy in a back seat rose and answered: "It's what ye paid me the other day for holding yer horse."


Evan Evans, former superintendent of schools in Nebraska told me how he paid his bus drivers 15 years ago. Drivers were paid according to the type of road driven: 15 cents per mile on hard-surfaced roads, 20 cents a mile on gravel and 25 cents a mile in mud.—M. Dale Baughman


Oh, give me a schedule, a wide open schedule, a flexible schedule for all
Where seldom is heard
A bell or a bird
While kids create activity all day.

School, school time today
We're all for a full longer day
Where grouping is done
Not only for fun But to initiate structure all day.


Robert: "Daddy, what would you do if I got a 100 in Math?"
Dad: "Boy, I'd faint!"
Robert: "That's what I was afraid of, so to be on the safe side I got only 50."


The couple was married last Saturday, thus ending a friendship which began in school days.—Sea Island City, New Jersey, Seven Mile Beach Reporter


"My sister is older than me," said the new girl at school, answering the teacher's inquiries.

Teacher: "And who comes after her?"

New Girl: "Nobody. If anybody did they could have her."


"Mamma," complained little Elsie, "I don't feel very well." "That's too bad, dear," said mother sympathetically. "Where do you feel worst?"

"In school, mamma."


Dr. Sheridan had a custom of ringing his scholars to prayers, in the school-room, at a certain hour every day. The boys were one day very attentively at prayers, except one, who was stifling a laugh as well as he could, which arose from seeing a rat descending from the bell-rope into the room. The poor boy could hold out no longer, but burst into an immoderate fit of laughter, which set the others off as soon as he pointed out to them the cause. Sheridan was so provoked that he declared he would whip them all if the principal culprit was not pointed out to him, which was immediately done. When this poor boy was hoisted up, and made ready for flogging, the witty school-master told him that if he said any thing tolerable on the occasion, as he looked on him as the greatest dunce in his school, he would forgive him. The trembling culprit, immediately addressed his master in the following lines.

There was a rat, for want of stairs,
Came down a rope—to go to prayers.

Sheridan instantly dropped the rod, and, instead of a good whipping, gave him half-a-crown.


Dr. Busby

A scholar of Dr. Busby went into a parlour where the Doctor had laid down a fine bunch of grapes for his own eating, took it up, and said aloud, "I publish the banns between these grapes and my mouth; if any one knows any just cause or impediment why these two should not be joined together, let him declare it." The Doctor, being in the next room, overheard all that was said, and going into the school, ordered the boy who had eaten his grapes to be horsed on another boy's back; but, before he proceeded to the usual discipline, he cried out aloud, as the delinquent had done: "I publish the banns between my rod and this boy's back; if any one knows any just cause or impediment why these two should not be joined together, let him declare it."—"I forbid the banns." said the boy—"Why so?" said the Doctor. "Because the parties are not agreed," replied the boy. This answer so pleased the Doctor, that he ordered the offender to be set free.


An Appropriate Version

The late Dr. Adam, Rector of the Grammar School, Edinburgh, was supposed by his scholars to exercise a strong partiality for such as were of patrician descent; and on one occasion was very smartly reminded of it by a boy of mean parentage, whom he was reprehending rather severely for his ignorance—much more so than the boy thought he would have done, had he been the son of a right honourable, or even less. "You dunce," exclaimed the rector, "I don't think you can even translate the motto of your own native place, of the gude town of Edinburgh. What, sir, does 'Nisi Dominus frustra,' mean?" "It means, sir," rejoined the boy, "that unless we are lords' sons, it is in vain to come here."


A Choice

At a recent examination at Marlborough House Grammar School, a piece written for the occasion, entitled "Satan's Address to Nena Sahib," was to have been recited by two pupils. Only one of the pupils came forward, Mr. Barrett stating that he could not prevail upon any pupil to take the part of Nena Sahib, they having such an abhorrence to the character, though several had offered to take the part of the Devil.

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