School Sermon Illustrations

School Sermon Illustrations

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Today's student rules for success in school:

1. Have a car;
2. Be a pleasant conversationalist;
3. Have a car;
4. Be congenial;
5. Have a car;
6. Be a good listener;
7. Have a car.

(Numbers 2, 4 and 6 can be omitted if the car is a red convertible.)

A hasty snack of bread or bun,
Gulped down while you're on the run,
Can't serve as breakfast for the lass
Who wants top grades in every class!

O there she stands so great and grand;
I love her more than any in the land.
O there she lies against the skies,
To make a wonder for my eyes.
I love her doors so wide and tall;
I love her long and winding halls
Oh she's stood there through fire and rain;
And she'll be there when I come again.
I love my school more than any other;
I would not go to another.
In one or two years we'll graduate,
To another school, to a faster gait.
So while we're here, let's be proud,
Let's shout her praises good and loud.
Of all the schools in all the land,
O there she stands so great and grand.—David Deputy, Trumpet, Harrisburg Junior High School, Harrisburg, Illinois

The pastor of a Methodist church observes in his bulletin that it will be a welcome change for a lot of kids to get back to school, where the first words they hear probably will be from the school nurse: "Open your mouth."

Oddities in school management: At one school in southern Illinois a successful search located a man who could drive the bus in the morning, serve as the hot lunch cook at noon and then bus the pupils home after school. A few years ago in a trustee-dominated high school in southern Indiana, two educators more or less took turns serving as the principal. If a Democrat Trustee were elected, the Democratic principal took over while the other man, a Republican, assumed the role of custodian. The pay was about the same.—M. Dale Baughman

A school inspector, to get an idea of the standard of teaching, entered a classroom while the lesson was in progress and decided to ask the children some questions.

Calling on one small boy he asked, "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?" The boy answered, "Not me, sir." The inspector turned to the teacher and asked, "Is this the usual standard in this class?" The teacher replied, "The boy is usually quite honest so I believe him."

Leaving the room in disgust the inspector sought out the head-master and explained what had transpired.

The headmaster said, "I've known both the teacher and boy concerned for several years and I'm sure that neither of them would do a thing like that."

By this time the inspector was furious and reported the incident to the director of education.

The director said, "I feel, you know, we are making a mountain out of a molehill in this case. I suggest we pay the bill and write the sum off."—Woolery Digest

This item was found in the old files of an Officer in Charge who recently cleared the base. List included the rules governing the first weather students at Chanute, around the turn of the century.

1. Students each day will fill lamps, clean chimneys and trim wicks. Wash windows once a week.

2. Each student will bring a bucket of water and a scuttle of coal for the day's classes.

3. Make your pens carefully. You may not whittle nibs to your individual taste. Follow Pen Trimming S.O.P. #4.

4. Male students will be given an evening off each week for courting purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly to church. There will be no inter-class courting during school hours.

5. After 13 hours of labor in the classroom, the student should spend the remaining time reading the Bible and other good books.

6. Every student should lay aside each payday a goodly sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years so he will not become a burden on society.

7. Any student who smokes Spanish cigars, uses liquor in any form, or frequents pool and public halls, or gets shaves in a barber shop, gives good reason for us to suspect his worth, intentions, integrity and honesty.

8. The student who has performed his studies faithfully and without fault for the year will be given increases of five cents per day in his pay, providing Congress increases budget.

9. Neck gear may be loosened when temperature in classroom exceeds 90 degrees.

Today all we require is:


Keep desk top reasonably clean
Place chair on table for cleanup
Store extra and/or old charts in drawers
Replace manuals in the bookcases when not in use


Pull light table and fan plugs from all outlets
Pull up all shades
Lock all windows
Dust erasers
Wipe chalkboard and clean chalkboard tray
Sweep floor
Empty waste basket
Put chairs on floor after clean up
Shut off lights
Above action is recommended if you care to join the "first" students as alumni of this institution.—The 330 Management

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