School Sermon Illustrations

School Sermon Illustrations

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The good old summertime apparently ended none too soon for the mothers of children in Seattle's Broadview elementary school. On the opening day of school, this telegram was read over the public-address system:

"TO ALL BROADVIEW TEACHERS—HALLELUJAH! WE'RE GLAD YOU'RE BACK. HURRAH!" It was signed, "BROADVIEW MOMS."—"Strolling Around" in Seattle Times


I'm not a pen point, nor a brush, neither typewriter nor a stencil. I'm just a piece of rubber on the end of a lead pencil.

I never get to write a line, nor even to improve it; but each time a mistake is made I'm called on to remove it.

The dawn brings me but little hope; the night portends but tenors. All that I ever get to see of people is their errors.—Clarence Flynn in The Uplift


Don't expect the school to give you anything unless you bring something to put it in.


All right, so maybe the Russian children are ahead of ours in algebra. How are they at selling peanut brittle, cookies or chocolate mints door-to-door?—Hartford Courant


As a visiting consultant I was exploring the junior high school plant in Ottawa with Principal George Kindle as my host and guide. As we neared the end of the tour around lunch time and approached the cafeteria, we saw that the lunch period had just ended. Two attractive, bright-eyed girls approached the two of us, one of them addressing Mr. Kindle as she extended a small cardboard container. "Won't you and your guest have a cupcake?" she suggested. Mr. Kindle refused courteously, explaining, "We'd like to, but we're both on diets." Although he said it in jest, each of us is the kind of physical specimen who ought to say "no" to cupcakes.

The girl didn't give up. "Oh, come on, Mr. Kindle, there's only two left. Please take them!" It was plain to see. She wanted us to have them. I said, "Come on, George, let's have one. We'll need dessert after our lunch, anyway." So we did take the remaining cupcakes. Then the laughing girl made me so glad that I had accepted her offer. It made Mr. Kindle glad, too. Buoyantly, she announced, "It's my birthday," and with a twinkle in her eye, she went on her way.—M. Dale Baughman


A teacher called on the mother of a boy who came to school in a dirty condition.

"Can you explain," she asked, "how he gets his nails so dirty?"

"I expect that's because he's always scratching ‘imself," replied the fond mother.—Laugh Book


Police: "Can you give me a description of your missing school treasurer?"

Superintendent: "He was nearly six feet tall and nearly $1,000 short."


We must teach mathematics—for we dare not face the lack—of kids who need to know the tricks—to feed a Univac.

We ought to teach the art of verse—with more hyperbole—so that our offspring may coerce—with jingles on TV.

Our science teaching needs to grow—until our kids excel—or else we won't have folks to blow—the rest of us to hell.—Frederick J. Moffitt, Nation's Schools


When the chronic critic complains that schools do not teach children to think, he really means: "Schools do not teach children to think—as he does."—Nation's Schools


Schools were never intended to be tranquilizers; they should be agitators.—Henry Steele Commager, author of The American Mind


When the great Teacher walked the earth, He had many troublesome pupils. They were sometimes inattentive. They misquoted their Teacher and misunderstood Him. One day in the Master's class things got so crowded that a hole was cut in the roof and a sick man lowered thru the hole. This Teacher did not thunder out "Not in MY class, you don't!"


Famed Eton public school has opened its own pub where boys over 16 can get a drink of beer between or after classes.

It is believed to be the only licensed bar in any secondary school in the world.

For many years senior boys were allowed to drink at the Christopher Tap Inn, which recently closed after the death of its landlord.

Eton authorities then decided to take over the inn and turn it into a club for teachers and students.

Most of the boys prefer cider, but several take their share of beer.—Chicago Herald American


A little girl returned from her first day in school and proudly exclaimed, "Mother, I was the brightest one in my class?"

"That's fine, Janie," her mother said, "but tell how it happened."

"Well," Janie replied, "the teacher told each of us to draw a picture on the blackboard, and then the others were to guess what the picture was. Mine was the only one no one could guess—but I knew exactly what it was all the time."—Sunshine Magazine


The teacher can light the lantern and put it in your hand, but you must walk into the dark.—William H. Armstrong, Study Is Hard Work


Latin has taken on a new look in our modern schools. A London high school teacher writes ghost stories in Latin to hold his students' interest in the language of the ancient Romans.

But an American teacher has devised a popular way to get students to learn the many endings of Latin nouns and verbs. A typical sample of first declension nouns runs this way: coca cola, coca colas, coca colam, coca colas, coca colae.


After attending a rural school for six years a country girl came home from her first day at school in the town's junior high school. "Mother," she exclaimed, "I'm going to learn domestic silence."

"You must mean domestic science," explained her mother.

Father chimed in, "Shh! there's a bare hope that she really means it."

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