School Sermon Illustrations

School Sermon Illustrations

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The schools must never neglect the creative arts. Through the arts, life becomes much more reasonable and understandable.—Van Cliburn, Annual Convention of AASA, Teachers Letter


Some of our schools are getting so crowded that any place that's hollow they have a class in it.—Midland Schools


One day a teacher friend of mine asked each of the pupils in her kindergarten class how near he lived to the school and how long it took him to get home. She couldn't help smiling at one little boy's answer: "I must live pretty close because when I get home, my mother always says, 'Good grief, are you home already?'"—Dixie Roto


At a school the following letter was received from a parent, following a hygiene lesson on the digestive system:

Dear Miss,

Please don't let my Lily learn that there Hygiene. There is no need for her to know nothing below the waist; moreover, it puts her off her meals.—Mrs. L. Swan, Laugh Book


Tom Phillips, of the Pana, Illinois News Palladium tells of a fellow who folded a blank sheet of paper, placed it in an envelope, and addressed it carefully. Asked what was the idea, he explained, "I'm taking a correspondence course and I'm cutting class."


The school should be a place where all kinds of pupils-book-minded and hand-minded, sociable and shy—are rewarded for doing well the desirable things they can do best.


In a certain school in New York there was a teacher, an energetic advocate of "Safety First," who opened her class each morning by rising and asking: "Children, what would you do if fire were to break out in this building?"

The children would reply in chorus: "We would rise in our places, step into the aisle, and march quietly out of the building."

One morning when the children arrived at school they found themselves honored by the presence of Dr. Henry Van Dyke. The teacher stepped before the class and, instead of the usual fire drill questions, said, "Children, what would you say if I were to tell you that Dr Van Dyke is to speak to you this morning?"

Instantly from the class came the resounding chorus: "We would rise in our places, step into the aisle, and march quietly out of the building." —The Lookout


"Mary, where did you learn to sing?"
"I graduated from a correspondence school."
"You must have missed a lot of mail."—The Lookout


The teenager down the street says it was his misfortune to go to grade school when the aim was to make every pupil happy and to hit high school when the aim is to make every pupil smarter than the Russians.—Bill Vaugh, VFW Magazine


Modern Street Sign: "School Zone, Drive Carefully—Acute shortage of teachers."—Jack Herbert


Attendance records are like clinical thermometers. Truancy is a symptom like fever.


A school is a shop, in which young sits are fashioned to virtue, and it is distinguished into Forms. The Master sitteth in a chair, the Scholars in Forms; he teacheth, they learn.


School seeks to get you ready for examination; Life gives the finals.—SAY


Little Dennis, while playing on his way to school, had torn the seat of his trousers. A playmate attempted to mend them with safety pins, but had only one pin.

As Dennis marched into school a few minutes late the teacher remarked, "I see you're a little behind this morning, Dennis "

"Well, you wouldn't," Dennis explained apologetically, "if we'd had more pins."—Jay Moon, Laugh Book


Our high school plans classes for exceptionally bright students this fall Principal Hanson says he'll need one to four extra teachers, depending on whether school officials or parents decide who'll take the courses.—Burton Hillis, Better Homes and Gardens


One thing today's student learns is that it's the early bird who gets a parking place close to the school.


"Chewing gum" was a luxury for school children in the old days. They used wax from nearby trees. Usually there was not enough to supply the demand, so the older boys loaned theirs to the younger ones or to the best girl friend after they got tired of chewing it. One instance is reported of a youngster crying because he had swallowed his gum. "It won't hurt you: consoled his teacher. "But," wailed the boy, "I borrowed it from Bill and I'll get a lickin' at recess."—Raymond L. Foster, Lecturer, Southern Illinois University


A father was telling a neighbor how he stopped his son from being late to high school. "I bought him a car," he said.

"How did that stop him from being late?" the neighbor asked.

"Why, he's got to get there early to find a parking place."—Concrete Citizen


Teacher was making a pitch to her junior high class for the students' purchase of the class Yearbook.

"Think of it," she spouted.

"How wonderful to own this book with all the class history and individual photos in it! Why, 20 years from now you can look through this class annual and say, `There's Bobby Ames, he's that famous judge. And there's Jessie Williams, she's that well-known author. And .. ."

. . . she rambled on, citing various members of the class and her predictions of their future. Until, finally, from the rear of the room, a frank stage whisper: "And there's Teacher, still single."—Herb Smith, Laugh Book

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