School Sermon Illustrations

School Sermon Illustrations

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After the first week of school, officials required teachers to fill out forms about their new classes. One question was: "Have you any abnormal children in your class?"

"Yes," wrote the teacher. And in the blank space for explanation, she wrote: "Two of them have good manners."—Sunshine Magazine


There's a crisis in the household,
Getting Johnny off to school
For the books must be assembled
During breakfast's fast refuel.
At the meal he has to hurry
And not linger at his plate
Since all the time his mother fears
That the kid will check in late.
Then amid the sound and fury
He's dispatched with tearful care,
And his mother sighs: "Thank heavens
He's now in the teacher's hair!"—Virgil Mayberry, Trumpet, Harrisburg Junior High School, Illinois


What makes Johnny's inability to read so shocking is the universal delusion that his parents could.—American Mercury


The way things are going, it won't be long until you will need a college degree to get into high school.


Extract from a schoolgirl's letter home: "We all have to have a dictionary here so I have asked for one to be ordered for me. I hope you don't mind. Apparently Miss Foster thinks they are essential."—Peterborough, Daily Telegraph


'Twas the day before Christmas and all through the school,
Kids were preparing to celebrate yule.
The first grade made reindeer to paste on their chairs,
When someone discovered that glue tastes like pears.
The second grade served the yule lunch it had made—
Doughnuts and bubble gum cake and Kool-Aid.
The third grade popped popcorn to make into balls,
And left sticky finger-marks all down the halls.
The fourth and fifth graders were giving a drama
When a voice from the manger yelped "I want my mama."
The sixth grade went caroling 'ill the chief of police
Hinted that they were disturbing the peace.
And our dear stalwart teacher—now what was she doing
To welcome the season of cutting and gluing?

ANSWER:

Blowing noses, wiping feet, guiding children to their seat,
Feeding turtles, mending books, hanging coats on proper hooks,
Sketching babies in the manger (one more carol will derange her).
Climbing ladders, trimming trees, nursing cuts and scuffled knees,
Hanging wreaths upon the door, sweeping popcorn off the floor,
Teaching children how to add, going absolutely mad.
Sorting through the coats again, pulling boots on little men
Buttoning sweaters, drying tears, tying scarves around little ears;
Wishing all the little heathens many joyous happy seasons—
Close the door and turn the lock,
Joy to the world; it's four o'clock.


Alonzo Banks, principal of the Baltimore intermediate school, listed ten commandments for parents and children Speaking at the 13th annual summer conference of Seventh-day Adventists, he listed:

FOR PARENTS:

1. Thou shalt not become an Army sergeant, barking orders to thy children, but shalt guide them by thine own perfect examples.
2. Thou shall not treat thine erring son or daughter as a criminal, but shalt remember he or she is but a chip off the old block.
3. Thou shalt not chase the almighty dollar so furiously that thou become a bear instead of a father, or a workhorse instead of a mother.
4. Thou shalt not let thine appearance go to pot, nor conduct thyself in such a way that thy children become ashamed of thee.
5. Thou shalt pray with and for thy children morning, noon and night.

FOR CHILDREN:

6. Thou shalt not look upon thy parents as policemen.
7. Thou shalt not use thy home merely as a base of operations from which thou goeth forth for pleasure, but shalt wash a dish and mow the lawn now and then.
8. Thou shalt remember that someday thou wilt become a parent and consider how thou wouldn't like a child who puts fur-rows in thine brow and gray hairs in thine head.
9. Thou shalt take counsel from thy parents, for it may be possible thou hast not yet found all the answers.
10. Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother that the days may be long and happy in the home thy parents giveth thee.—UPI, Pine Forge, Pennsylvania


"What do you have in school now?" we asked a beginner, after a few weeks of it, "reading yet or writing?"

"All we have is line-up," he said grimly. "Line-up for cookies, line-up for milk, line-up for the bathroom, line-up for rubbers, line-up to go out, line-up to come in."—Food Marketing in New England


Abraham Lincoln told this story of Daniel Webster's boyhood:

Young Daniel was not noted for tidiness. One day in the dis-trict school the teacher told him if he appeared in school again with such dirty hands, she would thrash him. But the next day Daniel appeared with his hands in the same condition.

"Daniel," the teacher said in desperation, "hold out your hand!" Daniel spat on his palm, rubbed it on the seat of his trousers, and held it out. The teacher surveyed it in disgust. "Daniel," she exclaimed, "if you can find me a hand in this school that is dirtier than this one here, I will let you off."

Daniel promptly held out his other hand. The teacher had to keep her word.—Sunshine Magazine


The schools are not in business to teach everything to everyone. They are not to be confused with shopping centers. We do not, I hope, put signs in our school corridors saying, "What you don't see, ask for."—William Cornoc, Education Digest

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