Report Card Sermon Illustrations

Report Card Sermon Illustrations

Father, looking over his son's report card: "One thing in your favor—with these grades, you couldn't possibly be cheating."


A year ago, a girl brought home a second-grade report card bearing this comment from her teacher: "It is a real pleasure to have your daughter in my class because she adds so much zest to it."

This year's card also has a comment—but from a different teacher with a different outlook. It says: "Your daughter talks too much."—Laugh Book


The current system of school grading is designed not to discourage any parent or student. Even though Junior may be dumber than an ox, the idea is to hold out some encouragement. The ultimate in strained encouragement came when one teacher added this note to what was otherwise a very poor report: "He contributes nicely to the group singing by helping listening."—Toastmaster


Hygiene Teacher: "Do you think paper can be used efficiently to keep people warm?"

Joe: "I should say so! The last report card I took home kept the family hot for a week."


A teenager with his own car said to his girl friend, "My Dad wants me to have all the things he didn't get when he was my age—and that includes a straight 'A' report card."


Bob: 'What grade did you get on your final exam?"

Bill: "I believe that grades should be kept a secret; they are personal and should not be revealed under any circumstances."

Bob: "Too bad! I failed, too."


Mother: "John, sit down and tell me what your grades are."
John: "I can't sit down. I just told pop what they are."—Bonnie Frazier


Junior: "Dad, why did you sign my report card with an X instead of your name?"

Dad: "I didn't want your teacher to think that anyone with your marks has parents who can read and write."


Pa: "Tommy, I am not at all pleased with the report your teacher sent me about your conduct in school."

Tommy: "I knew you wouldn't be, and I told her so. But she went right on and made it out that way—just like a woman!"


Mother: "Johnny, this isn't a very good report card. Are you trying?"

Johnny: "Yes, my teacher said I am the most trying boy in the class."—The Lookout


The father was reading the school report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful as he read: English, poor; history, weak; mathematics, fair; and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad. "Well, Dad," said the son, "it is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?" And he pointed to the next line, which read: "Health, excellent."

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