"You say Johnny is always sure of himself?"
"I'll say. He works crossword puzzles with a fountain pen."—The Lookout
Jenny: "What would you do if a lion came after you at sixty miles an hour?"
Johnny: "I'd do seventy!"
Alan, arriving home from school, beamed with such happiness that he almost forgot he was hungry.
"I (didn't know ray second-grade teacher liked me so well, Mommy," he confided. "I heard her talking to some of the other teachers, and she must be awfully fond of me! Do you know what she said?"
“What did she say, Alan?" queried his mother.
"She said that the happiest day of her life was the day little Alan Williams was promoted into the third grade."—Woodmen of the World Magazine
Schoolboy's definition of depth: Height turned upside down.
He came home from school proudly exhibiting a book which he said he had won for accuracy in natural history.
"However did you do that?" asked his mother.
"The teacher asked how many legs an ostrich has, and I said three."
"But an ostrich has only two legs," his mother replied.
"Well, all the rest of the class said four."
Teacher: "Can you give me Lincoln's Gettysburg address?"
Student: "Aren't you thinking of Eisenhower? Lincoln lived in Washington."
A fifth-grade teacher in Ohio was giving the class a verbal test in word association. She singled out one youngster and asked: "Since pro means the opposite of con, can you give me an illustration of each?"
The youngster thought a moment then answered, "Progress and Congress."—National Personnel Consultants
While visiting a country school, the inspector from the Board of Education became angry because of the noise in the next room. He opened the door, grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking, dragged him into the next room, stood him in a corner, and said, "Now be silent and stand there " A few minutes later a small boy stuck his head in the door and asked, "Please sir, may we have our teacher back?"—Harold Buchanan in National Future Farmer
Asked to tell what caused the sinking of the Titanic, a high school sophomore replied "an iceberger."—Herrick H. Kesler, NEA Journal
A first-grade standardized reading test directed students to draw a line under the appropriate illustrations. When I checked over my pupils' answers, I found that one of them had drawn cat-like creatures complete with whiskers under several of the pictures.
Upon asking him to explain, I received this answer:
"That word (line) was new, but I sounded it out and drew a lion just like it said!"—Iola Sullivan, Horace Mann School Harrisburg, Illinois, NEA Journal
When I discovered that one of my ninth-graders was well stuck up with bubble gum, I removed him and sent him to the washroom to remedy the situation. As he left the class, came a voice from the rear, "Have gum, will travel?'—Charles C. Vorderberg, NEA Journal
As school was letting out, a little boy went up to his teacher's desk. "Miss Smithson," he said, "could you please tell me what I learned in school today? My daddy always wants to know."—Future
School has started again and everything is back to normal. In Whitefish Bay, Wisconsin, an eighth-grade English class was given an overnight assignment to write themes. One boy was given the topic "Five Ways to Develop a Good Memory" He wrote the theme but forgot to take it to school the next morning.—Milwaukee Journal
A fourteen-year-old boy was considering the different girls he might ask to the next school dance. "I think I'll ask Marie," he decided at last.
"That surprises me," his mother said. "Last year you wouldn't even dance with her—you said she was too tall and skinny."
"Oh, but she's different now," her son assured her. "She's tops. Since last year she's mobilized her physique and brought up reinforcements."—Laugh Book
Little Bobby's mother had just presented the family with twins. The beaming father called Bobby aside and said:
"If you'll tell your teacher about it," he said, "I'm sure she'll give you a day's holiday."
That afternoon Bobby came home radiant. "I don't have to go to school tomorrow," he announced happily.
"Did you tell your teacher Mother had twins?" father asked.
"No, I just told her I had a baby sister. I'm saving the other one for next week."—Laugh Book
Before Thanksgiving a Minnesota first-grade teacher asked her pupils to tell her what they had to be thankful for. "I am thankful," said one small boy, "that I am not a turkey."—Minneapolis Tribune
While the art class was setting up a Christmas scene on the school lawn, one of the boys asked uncertainly, "Where shall I put the three wise guys?"—James W. Corson, NEA Journal
A teacher called in a group of small boys suspected of throwing rocks at little girls on their way home from school.
One indignantly denied the charge "I'm not a rocker," he explained. "I'm a pincher."—Hugh Park