They were in Italy together.
"If you would let me curse them black and blue," said the groom, "we shouldn't have to wait so long for the trunks."
"But, darling, please don't. It would distress me so," murmured the bride.
The groom went off, but quickly returned with the porters before him trundling the trunks at a double quick.
"Oh, dearest, how did you do it? You didn't—?"
"Not at all. I thought of something that did quite as well. I said, 'S-s-s-susquehanna, R-r-r-rappahannock!'"—Cornelia C. Ward.
A school girl was required to write an essay of two hundred and fifty words about a motorcar. She submitted the following:
"My uncle bought a motorcar. He was riding in the country when it busted up a hill. I guess this is about fifty words. The other two hundred are what my uncle said when he was walking back to town, but they are not fit for publication."
The ashman was raising a can of ashes above his head to dump the contents into his cart, when the bottom of the can came out. Ethel saw it and ran in and told her mother.
"I hope you didn't listen to what he said," the mother remarked.
"He didn't say a word to me," replied the little girl; "he just walked right off by the side of his cart, talking to God."
A young man entered the jeweler's store and bought a ring, which he ordered engraved. The jeweler asked what name.
"George Osborne to Harriet Lewis, but I prefer only the initials, G.O. to H.L."
For it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.—Shakespeare.
The longshoreman was indulging in a fit of temper, which he interpreted in a burst of language that shocked the lady passing by. She regarded him reprovingly, as she demanded:
"My man, where did you learn such awful language?"
"Where did I learn it?" the longshoreman repeated. "Huh! I didn't learn it, it's a gift."
The deacon carried a chain to the blacksmith to have a link welded. When he returned to the shop a few hours later, he saw the chain lying on the floor, and picked it up. It was just next to red hot, and the deacon dropped it with the ejaculation:
"Hell!" Then he added hastily: "I like to have said."