Parents wonder why the streams are bitter when they them-selves have poisoned the fountain.—Forbes
I came home with my first "Homburg" hat the other day. I had it made by a Champaign hatter. I liked it and my wife thought it looked good on me. While in the mirror I surveyed the image, three-year-old Brad piped up, "Dad, it looks like a magician's hat." No sooner had he finished than my third-grade daughter added, "They sure wasted lots of material in that big hump."—M. Dale Baughman
Little Wanda was lying on her back on the nursery floor, singing a happy song. The next time her mother looked in on her, Wanda was lying on her stomach, shrilling a tune.
"Playing a game, dear?" mother asked.
"Yes," Wanda replied, "I'm pretending I'm a phonograph record, and I've just turned myself over."—Sunshine Magazine
Johnny hurried to get the evening paper. Tomorrow was picnic day, and he wanted to know what the weather forecast was.
"Well, Johnny, what do they predict?" his mother asked.
"They haven't decided yet," said Johnny gloomily.
"No," said Johnny, "It says, 'Unsettled.'"—Sunshine Magazine
Parents spend the first part of a child's life getting him to walk and talk, and the rest of his childhood getting him to sit down and shut up.—Automotive Service Digest
It is said that we spend more on wild life than we do on child life in this country. Parents will find this a puzzling distinction.
Lady: "Are you a good little boy?"
Little Boy: "No, ma'm, I'm the kind of child my mother won't let me play with."—Sunshine Magazine
My wife caught our four-year-old daughter, Lindy, hurrying down the hall with the pepper shaker. When a full confession had
been extracted, it was discovered that she had found a "pet" fly and she wanted to see if it could sneeze.—M. Dale Baughman
Father to teenage son: "Mind if I use the car myself tonight? I'm taking your mother out and I want to impress her."
Three women went to a psychiatrist with their young daughters. The psychiatrist examined the first woman and said, "Madame, you have a deep subconscious urge for money and so you named your daughter Penny."
The second lady, a fat woman, went in and the psychiatrist said, "Madame, you have a deep subconscious urge for sweets and so you named your little girl Candy."
The third woman, hearing this, took her little girl by the hand and said, "Come Schenley dear, we're leaving."—Information
A six-year-old youngster had listened to friends of his parents discuss their ailments and those of others. One of them summed up the situation, saying, "everything just seems to be going to pieces."
That night the lad remembered when he said his prayer.
"God, bless daddy and mamma," he said, "and all those other people who are falling apart."—News-Gazette
Mrs. Jones was very proud of her son, who showed promise as an athlete.
"Yes, he must be a very fast runner," she explained proudly to a neighbor. "Look at this newspaper report. It says he fairly burned up the track."
"And it's quite true," she added, confidently. "I went to see the track this morning and it's nothing but cinders."—The Lookout
The trouble with your children is that when they're not being a lump in your throat, they're being a pain in your neck.
One little man said to his father, "I'd like to be like Superman—rich, strong and handsome, but if I can't, I'd like to be like you
The mother of 8 children under 11 tells of the time she was extremely unhappy with her brood. "This morning the children were so noisy that I threatened 'The first person in this house who screams is going to get his mouth soaped.' And you know, I can still taste the stuff!"—Lion
Mother: "When that naughty boy threw stones at you, why didn't you come and tell me instead of throwing stones back at him?"
Practical-minded youngster: "What good would that do? You couldn't hit the side of a barn!"—The Lookout
Little Nellie, a six-year-old, complained, "Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because your stomach is empty," Mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon the minister called, and in the course of conver-sation remarked that he had been suffering all day with a severe headache.
Little Nellie was alert. "That's because its empty," she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."—Wall Street Journal
"I can't figure it out," said the small boy trying to get his father to help him with his arithmetic. "If a carpenter was paid three dollars a day, how much did he earn in four days?"
"No wonder you can't figure it out," replied his father. "That's not arithmetic—that's ancient history!"—Selma Hagg in Prentice, Wisconsin News