"What is meant by graft?" said the inquiring foreigner.
"Graft," said the resident of a great city, "is a system which ultimately results in compelling a large portion of the population to apologize constantly for not having money, and the remainder to explain how they got it."
LADY—"I guess you're gettin' a good thing out o' tending the rich Smith boy, ain't ye, doctor?"
DOCTOR—"Well, yes; I get a pretty good fee. Why?"
LADY—"Well, I hope you won't forget that my Willie threw the brick that hit 'im!"
Every man has his price, but some hold bargain sales.—Satire.
The Democrats had a clear working majority in ——, Illinois, for a number of years. But when the Fifteenth Amendment went into effect it enfranchised so many of the "culled bredren" as to make it apparent to the party leaders that unless a good many black votes could be bought up, the Republicans would carry the city election. Accordingly advances were made to the Rev.
Brother ——, whose influence it was thought desirable to secure, inasmuch as he was certain to control the votes of his entire church.
He was found "open to conviction," and arrangements progressed satisfactorily until it was asked how much money would be necessary to secure his vote and influence.
With an air of offended dignity, Brother —— replied:
"Now, gemmen, as a regular awdained minister ob de Baptist Church dis ting has gone jes as far as my conscience will 'low; but, gemmen, my son will call round to see you in de mornin'."
A well-known New York contractor went into the tailor's, donned his new suit, and left his old one for repairs. Then he sought a café and refreshed the inner man; but as he reached in his pocket for the money to settle his check, he realized that he had neglected to transfer both purse and watch when he left his suit. As he hesitated, somewhat embarrassed, he saw a bill on the floor at his feet. Seizing it thankfully, he stepped to the cashier's desk and presented both check and money.
"That was a two dollar bill," he explained when he counted his change.
"I know it," said the cashier, with a toss of her blond head. "I'm dividing with you. I saw it first."