Football Sermon Illustrations

Football Sermon Illustrations

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Ron Gibbs, well-known pro football official, likes this letter: "Mr. Gibbs," it read, "I think you and your crew do a perfect job every game you officiate. Please excuse the crayon as I am not allowed to have any blunt instruments."—T. O. White

That Texan who proved his fast draw was an ardent follower of Southern Methodist and evidently feared Texas U would run back a punt to overcome Methodist's 6 to 0 lead At sound of his pistol the ball collapsed like a duck shot from a blind. A new ball was produced and another punt made—without shooting and without changing the score.

A Dallas paper reported next day that each of seven Southern Methodist fans hinted he was the pistol-toter who had winged the punt. None, however, would give his name, perhaps because nowadays there is a law east of the Pecos.—Lawrence A. Keating, Columbia

"What would happen," Bert Bell, pro football czar, was asked at a luncheon, "if a team was trying to kick the extra point and the ball burst in the air with half going over the bar and half under it?"

"The way I see it," remarked Bell, after cogitating for a moment, "the team would be out eighteen bucks."—Scholastic Coach

Self-interest, too, can prompt mercy in football, as when Stanford played Southern California in 1935. Noticing that a Southern California man was injured, Jimmy Coffis, a Stanford back, rushed to him and applied a vigorous leg massage. The Trojan recovered and thanked Coffis and went back in the game.

"I had to keep him in;' Coffis explained later. "The sub they'd have sent in is the toughest man to block I've ever seen!"—Lawrence A. Keating, Columbia

The football talent scout has his disappointments, too. After chatting with a potential college tackle, he wrote on his interview card: Chest 44—IQ to match.

Football coach, to new player: "You're great! The way you hammer the line, dodge, tackle your man, and worm through your opponents is simply marvelous."

New player, modestly: "I guess it all comes from my early training, sir. You see, my mother used to take me shopping with her on bargain days downtown."

The referee who worked the famous 1959 game in which Billy Cannon's 89-yard kickoff return beat Ole Miss 7-3 tells this one: "When Cannon started his run, flags went down. I was run-ning with him and as I heard that howling mob of 70,000 going crazy, I said to myself: 'If that penalty is against LSU, I'm going to keep right on running through that gate.' Fortunately, it was against Ole Miss."—Wilton Garrison, Charlotte Observer

The football game was being played in torrents of rain. The teams were ankle deep in mud. At half-time the local team were two goals down and everything seemed to be going against them.

"Come on, lads," railed a voice from the crowd, "the tide's with you now!"—Laugh Book

Comedian Milton Berle, who admittedly pilfers gags anywhere he can find them, tells the one about Army playing Notre Dame in football.

"The Cadets were getting nowhere against the Irish," Berle says. "In desperation, the Army quarterback said in the huddle, 'I'm going to call the signals in Yiddish.'

"As the teams lined up, he began to shout: Tin, Zwei, Dri. . .'

"The linebacker of the Fighting Irish leaned across and hollered: 'It von't do you a beet of goot!' "

A star football player with a keen sense of humor suffered a severely twisted knee in a bitterly contested game. Upon examination it was found that there was a torn cartilage.

The football star in all seriousness asked the doctor, When my knee heals, will I be able to do the tango?"

"Of course you will," comforted the doctor.

"Then you're a miracle healer, Doc," exclaimed the footballer. "I never could before."

Many a college quarterback has found his best pass receiver on the bench—in the moonlight.—Flume F. Pepe, Quote

Though a deeply religious person, the football coach also was something of a realist. Before the big game against his rough, tough, traditional rival, he gathered his squad around him and warned them about the rough stuff the opponents would throw at them.

"Now, fellers," he said, "the Good Book tells us that if an enemy smacks you on the cheek, that's all right. Turn your other cheek. And if the opponents smack that cheek too, it's still all right. But, gentlemen, the third lick—the third lick, I say, belongs to you!"—Scholastic Coach

At the annual press-radio-television banquet the football coach predicted his next year's team would have a perfect 9-0 season.

Such optimism rarely revealed by a football mentor brought to attention the 200 guests.

Then the coach went on. "However, should we lose any, I will have three good reasons—incompetent assistants, poor personnel, and bad weather."

A famous football coach, "Hurry Up" Yost, of the University of Michigan, once rebuked a confident player who said their team would win because it had "the will to win."

"Don't fool yourself," said Mr. Yost. "The will to win is not worth a nickel unless you have the will to prepare."—Halford E. Luccock, Christian Herald

His SISTER—"His nose seems broken."
His FIANCEE—"And he's lost his front teeth."      
His MOTHER—"But he didn't drop the ball!"—Life.

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