"Yes, sir, our household represents the United Kingdom of Great Britain," said the proud father of number one to the rector. "I am English, my wife's Irish, the nurse is Scotch and the baby wails."
Mrs. O'Flarity is a scrub lady, and she had been absent from her duties for several days. Upon her return her employer asked her the reason for her absence.
"Sure, I've been carin' for wan of me sick children," she replied.
"And how many children have you, Mrs. O'Flarity?" he asked.
"Siven in all," she replied. "Four by the third wife of me second husband; three by the second wife of me furst."
A man descended from an excursion train and was wearily making his way to the street-car, followed by his wife and fourteen children, when a policeman touched him on the shoulder and said:
"Come along wid me."
"Blamed if I know; but when ye're locked up I'll go back and find out why that crowd was following ye."