English Sermon Illustrations

English Sermon Illustrations

Tommy was asked the difference between prose and poetry. He pondered a while, then said, "There was a young man named Reeze, who went into a pond to his ankle. That's prose, but if the water had been a little deeper, it would have been poetry."—The Lookout


Mother (helping small son with his language lesson): "What is a synonym?"

Small Son (smacking lips in pleasant memories): "Synonym is something you put in rolls."


Teacher: "Where's your pencil, Alfred?"

Alfred: "Ain't got one, teacher."

Teacher: "How many times have I told you not to say that? Listen: I haven't got one, you haven't got one, we haven't got one, they haven't got one—"

Alfred: "Well, gee whiz, teacher, where are all the pencils?"


During a study of verbs, the teacher read the sentence, "It was milking time," and then asked, "Johnny, what mood?"

Johnny: "The cow!"


My unreasonable facsimile, Burton Hillis, Jr., age 12, has again alienated his school teacher's affections. She asked him to name two pronouns, and he replied, 'Who, me?" She punished him for being sassy before she realized his answer was correct.—Burton Hillis, Better Homes and Gardens


The seventh grade was studying parts of speech and when they came to adverbs, the teacher explained, "I look lovely. Now lovely is an adverb."

One pupil piped up with "That's a supposition if ever I heard one."—Dean Berkley


Working with a grammar lesson, the teacher asked, "Willie, what is it when I say, 'I love you, you love me, he loves me?" Replied Willie, "That's one of those triangles where somebody gets shot."—Seng Fellowship News


Two boys from different schools were discussing their progress in English. Their conversation went something like this:

"We're having the indicative mood and the abaltive absolution now. Ever had them?"

"Sure. We also had the subterranean conjection."

"That's nothing. We had the double genitive and the hysterical present."

"I'll bet you never had the passionate auxiliary."

"Sure did! We even had the spilled infinitive."

Suddenly a third boy, who was standing nearby, quietly spoke up. "At our school we have the extended recess. Ever have that?"—Scouting


A favorite sport nowadays is to poke fun at the products of translating machines. For instance, a machine was supposed to put the English phrase "out of sight, out of mind" into another language and produced "invisible fairy." "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak," when translated from English appeared as "the liquor is agreeable, but the meat is rotten." Things are getting so bad that I feel myself feeling sorry for those machines. After all, if everybody took pokes at you, your screws might get a little loose, too.—George Arch

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