"Do you think a woman believes you when you tell her she is the first girl you ever loved?"
"Yes, if you're the first liar she has ever met."
Augustus Fitzgibbons Moran
Fell in love with Maria McCann.
With a yell and a whoop
He cleared the front stoop
Just ahead of her papa's brogan.
SPOONLEIGH—"Does your sister always look under the bed?"
HER LITTLE BROTHER—"Yes, and when you come to see her she always looks under the sofa."—J.J. O'Connell.
There was a young man from the West,
Who loved a young lady with zest;
So hard did he press her
To make her say, "Yes, sir,"
That he broke three cigars in his vest.
"I hope your father does not object to my staying so late," said Mr. Stayput as the clock struck twelve.
"Oh, dear, no," replied Miss Dabbs, with difficulty suppressing a yawn, "He says you save him the expense of a night-watchman."
There was an old monk of Siberia,
Whose existence grew drearier and drearier;
He burst from his cell
With a hell of a yell,
And eloped with the Mother Superior.
It was scarcely half-past nine when the rather fierce-looking father of the girl entered the parlor where the timid lover was courting her. The father had his watch in his hand.
"Young man," he said brusquely, "do you know what time it is?"
"Y-y-yes sir," stuttered the frightened lover, as he scrambled out into the hall; "I—I was just going to leave!"
After the beau had made a rapid exit, the father turned to the girl and said in astonishment:
"What was the matter with that fellow? My watch has run down, and I simply wanted to know the time."
"What were you and Mr. Smith talking about in the parlor?" asked her mother. "Oh, we were discussing our kith and kin," replied the young lady.
The mother look dubiously at her daughter, whereupon her little brother, wishing to help his sister, said:
"Yeth they wath, Mother. I heard 'em. Mr. Thmith asked her for a kith and she thaid, 'You kin.'"
During a discussion of the fitness of things in general some one asked: "If a young man takes his best girl to the grand opera, spends $8 on a supper after the performance, and then takes her home in a taxicab, should he kiss her goodnight?"
An old bachelor who was present growled: "I don't think she ought to expect it. Seems to me he has done enough for her."
A young woman who was about to wed decided at the last moment to test her sweetheart. So, selecting the prettiest girl she knew, she said to her, though she knew it was a great risk.
"I'll arrange for Jack to take you out tonight—a walk on the beach in the moonlight, a lobster supper and all that sort of thing—and I want you, in order to put his fidelity to the proof, to ask him for a kiss."
The other girl laughed, blushed and assented. The dangerous plot was carried out. Then the next day the girl in love visited the pretty one and said anxiously:
"Well, did you ask him?"
"No? Why not?"
"I didn't get a chance. He asked me first."
Uncle Nehemiah, the proprietor of a ramshackle little hotel in Mobile, was aghast at finding a newly arrived guest with his arm around his daughter's waist.
"Mandy, tell that niggah to take his arm from around yo' wais'," he indignantly commanded.
"Tell him you'self," said Amanda. "He's a puffect stranger to me."
"Jack and I have parted forever."
"Good gracious! What does that mean?"
"Means that I'll get a five-pound box of candy in about an hour."
Here's to solitaire with a partner,
The only game in which one pair beats three of a kind.