Chemistry Professor: "What can you tell about nitrates?"
Student: "Well—er—they're a lot cheaper than day rates."
Many college students who demand a front seat in the bus try to even things up by taking a back seat in the classroom.
A carpenter's son was filling out applications for college admission. When he came to the line "length of residence in home town" he answered "about 40 feet."
Overheard on a New York Central train, college girl to middle-aged man: "Oh, some discussion groups are all right, but, honestly, how can you discuss history?"
Professor: "Jones, can you tell me who built the Sphinx?"
Student: "I-I-I did know, sir, but I've forgotten."
Professor: "Great guns, what a calamity! The only man living who knows, and he has forgotten!" Nothing irks the hard-pressed college students more than shaking out an envelope from home and finding nothing in it but news and love.
A young college student wrote home to his family:
"Dear Mom and Dad: I haven't heard from you in nearly a month. Please send a check so I'll know you're all right."—Rotary Realist, LaSalle, Illinois
Joe: "That college turns out some great men."
Bill: "When did you graduate?"
Joe: "I didn't graduate. I was turned out."—The Lookout
Mother of boy at Rice University: "My son's letters always send me to the dictionary."
Mother of boy at University of Houston: "My son's letters always send me to the bank."—Laugh Book
Eavesdropping Around the Campus: In the coffee shop—"Let's cut philosophy class today." "Can't. I need sleep."
"Your school is not a seminary, it's a match factory," said the smart young college man to the girl student.
"You're right," said the girl. "We furnish the heads and get the sticks from the men's colleges."—The Continent (Chicago)
From an alumnus' report on an interview with a girl applicant: "She is at present very much of a young lady. However, she might adapt herself to our college community very well."
Friend: "You look all broken up. What's the matter?"
College student: "I wrote home for money for a study lamp."
Friend: "So what?"
College student: "They sent the lamp."—Laugh Book
A college boy sent a telegram home saying "Mom! Have failed everything prepare Pop."
The reply came the next day, "Pop prepared . . . prepare yourself."
Music Professor: "What do you think of Kreisler?"
Student: "Great! Splendid! Swell pickup, a lot of pep, and twenty miles on a gallon!"
When a student at Hailebury College was asked to specify where elephants are found, he replied, "Owing to their enormous size, they rarely are lost."
And there was the girl graduate who sighed, "Four years in college, and whom has it got me?"—Inspiration
A coed, looking over the rack of assorted greeting cards, finally found one with plenty of sentiment. The message was, "To the only one I ever loved."
She approached the clerk and announced, "I'll take ten of them."
At a northern Minnesota college a strapping, healthy looking girl appeared to register for a course in English.
The recording clerk asked, "Have you a hobby?" The girl replied, "No, Ay ban single."
"Say, dad, remember that story you told me about when you were expelled from college?"
"Well, I was just thinking, dad, how true it is that history repeats itself."
WANTED: Burly beauty-proof individual to read meters in sorority houses. We haven't made a nickel in two years. The Gas Co.—Michigan Gargoyle.
FRESHMAN—"I have a sliver in my finger."
SOP—"Been scratching your head?"
STUDE—"Do you smoke, professor?"
PROF.—"Why, yes, I'm very fond of a good cigar."
STUDE—"Do you drink, sir?"
PROF.—"Yes, indeed, I enjoy nothing better than a bottle of wine."
STUDE—"Gee, it's going to cost me something to pass this course."—Cornell Widow.
Three boys from Yale, Princeton and Harvard were in a room when a lady entered. The Yale boy asked languidly if some fellow ought not to give a chair to the lady; the Princeton boy slowly brought one, and the Harvard boy deliberately sat down in it.—Life.