College Prefessors Sermon Illustrations

College Prefessors Sermon Illustrations

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A pretty girl after applying for a secretary's position was asked by the professor what her special strengths had been in previous positions. She quickly and confidently announced, "I had a story published by True Confessions and I won some puzzle contests."

"You must be very proud," the professor complimented, "but I'm looking for a girl who will use her brain power during office hours."

"This was during office hours," triumphantly explained the applicant.


A young professor of economics at the University of Illinois met his class in Labor Management for the first time in September. Observing an unusually large number of young ladies in the class, he remarked without thinking, "It's nice to see so many young women in Labor."—M. Dale Baughman


Policeman (to bespectacled fat professor who has witnessed smash): "You say you saw the accident, sir. What was the number of the car that knocked this man down?"

Professor Matteossian: "I'm afraid I've forgotten it. But I remember noticing that if it were multipled by itself, the cube root of the product would be equal to the sum of the digits reversed."—Pathfinder


The chemistry professor was giving a demonstration of the properties of various acids. "Now, I am going to drop this silver dollar into this glass of acid. Will it disolve?"

A student in the rear promptly answered, "No, sir."

"No?" queried the professor with a glint in his eye. "Perhaps the young man will explain to the class why the silver dollar won't dissolve."

The young student arose to his full length, and said, "Because if it would, the professor would not have dropped it in."—Rotary News, Oak Hill, West Virginia


The professor's car broke down and he drove into the local garage for repairs. "I hope you'll charge a fair price," he said to the garage owner. "I'm just a poor college professor." "I know," was the answer. "I've heard you lecture."


Definition of an associate dean: the only man in the college who will associate with the Dean.


Professor: 'Too bad. One of my pupils to whom I have given two courses of instruction in the cultivation of the memory has forgotten to pay me and, worst of it is, I can't think of his name.'


Dean: "Why do you ask for a raise?"

Assistant Professor: "Well, sir, I wouldn't ask for a raise, but somehow my kids found out that other families eat three times a day."


Summoned to the accounting office, the returned, traveling college professor was confronted by the comptroller: "This expense account amazes us. How do you manage to spend $14 a day for food for yourself?"

"I manage," came the reply, "by skipping breakfast."

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