College Sermon Illustrations

College Sermon Illustrations

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A sign on the cigaret machine in Detroit's Wayne University Student Center lobby reads: "Freshmen are forbidden to buy thinking men's cigarets before they have taken mid-semester exams."—Laugh Book


"May I give you one piece of advice, Sir?" asked Pres. Robert E. Lee of a Washington College faculty member who tended to be harsh with struggling students and hasty in giving them low or failing grades. "Well, Sir," he said, "always observe the stage driver's rule: Take care of the poor horses."—Clarence Edwin Flynn, "Survival in Learning," American Mercury


Once, before a college audience, Bill Tuttle arose to extol the virtues of higher education. "As you may know, I went to Bradley," began Tuttle, "and I've always been grateful for the opportunity. They learnt me a lot there." When the uproar had died down, Bed (Leavitt Leo) Daley (baseball player) arose. "I didn't go to college," he said, "and after listening to Bill Tuttle, I'm glad that's one thing I missed."—Excerpts from the article, "The Pork Chop All-Star," as printed by permission of Sports Illustrated


A stranger mistook an insane asylum for a college. Realizing his mistake, he said to a guard: "I suppose after all there isn't much difference between them."

"Oh, yes, there is," replied the guard. "In this place, you've got to show improvement before you can get out."—Laugh Book


College reunions may be pretty much the same but the 50th reunion of a class may be different. That's when men and women are housed in the same dormitory. 357. Undismayed by her college marks one lass wrote in the blank space on the college application form calling for her class standing, "Top 3/4."


"It is (the student's) privilege, I might say his duty, to walk out when a lecturer walks in and says in word or manner, `Well, what can I bore you with today?'"—Gus Stanton Ford, Emory University Quarterly


Bill Brown's daughter Betsy is going happily back for her junior year in college, with her student husband and a layette. "I can't figure how they'll support a baby," Bill groused last night. "I made careful study of the kids' income and expenses together last year, and my chart on them proves conclusively that they starved to death about Christmas."—Better Homes and Gardens


Did you hear about the newly rich mother who upon looking up the best schools in the East for her daughters declared she wanted them to be well macadamized? 361. The Ozark mountain daughter was sent away for the first time to a fancy Eastern college. After a few months she wrote her mother: "Mother, I made the pep squad and I need $5 for pep pants." In a short time her mother's letter arrived and said: "Here is the $5 for your pep pants, and another $5. Please send your father a pair."—Frances Benson


Graduate: "Professor, I have made some money and I want to do something for my old college. I don't remember what studies I excelled in."

Professor: "In my classes you slept most of the time."

Graduate: "Fine! I'll build a dormitory."—The Lookout


One father had heard this spot announcement on TV, "When your child is ready for college, will college be ready for him?" so many times that he became concerned about the academic seriousness of his seven-year-old son who he hopes will go to college some day. He told his son how important it is to study in the second grade and get ready for college.

Several days later the mother overheard this conversation between her son and his neighbor playmate: "My daddy says I must study hard in school and get a good education so I can go to college. He didn't go to college and he has an awful time paying his bills "

"Oh, heck," said his playmate disdainfully, "don't pay any atten lion to that. My daddy went to college and he has a hard time paying his bills, too!"—Marie Fraser, Indiana Teacher


The Denver Extension Center of the University of Colorado offers a course in a neglected subject—"Common Sense."


College English as it were,
Has qualified me very well
Ten munce ago I couldn't spell,
Now I am an editor.—Everett J. Landers, Newark, New Jersey News


Two college presidents were comparing experiences. "When I retire," declared one, "I would like to be superintendent of an orphan asylum. Then I wouldn't get letters from parents."

"That's not a bad ambition," replied the other, "but when I retire I want to be a warden of a penitentiary—the alumni never willingly come back to visit."—Wisconsin Journal of Education


A young man who had just received his degree from college rushed out and exclaimed, "Here I am, World—I have my A.B.!"

The World replied, "Sit down, son, and I'll teach you the rest of the alphabet."


A college education is supposed to fit you for a position—not entitle you to one.


The college is a coy maid—
She has a habit quaint
Of making eyes at millionaires
And winking at the taint.—Judge.


"What is a 'faculty'?"

"A 'faculty' is a body of men surrounded by red tape."—Cornell Widow.


Yale University is to have a ton of fossils. Whether for the faculty or for the museums is not announced.—The Atlanta Journal.

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