The proverb, "Where there's a will there's a way" is now revised to "When there's a bill we're away."
YOUNG DOCTOR—"Why do you always ask your patients what they have for dinner?"
OLD DOCTOR—"It's a most important question, for according to their menus I make out my bills."
Farmer Gray kept summer boarders. One of these, a schoolteacher, hired him to drive her to the various points of interest around the country. He pointed out this one and that, at the same time giving such items of information as he possessed.
The school-teacher, pursing her lips, remarked, "It will not be necessary for you to talk."
When her bill was presented, there was a five-dollar charge marked "Extra."
"What is this?" she asked, pointing to the item.
"That," replied the farmer, "is for sass. I don't often take it, but when I do I charge for it."—E. Egbert.
PATIENT (angrily)—"The size of your bill makes my blood boil."
DOCTOR—"Then that will be $20 more for sterilizing your system."
At the bedside of a patient who was a noted humorist, five doctors were in consultation as to the best means of producing a perspiration.
The sick man overheard the discussion, and, after listening for a few moments, he turned his head toward the group and whispered with a dry chuckle:
"Just send in your bills, gentlemen; that will bring it on at once."
"Thank Heaven, those bills are got rid of," said Bilkins, fervently, as he tore up a bundle of statements of account dated October 1st.
"All paid, eh?" said Mrs. Bilkins.
"Oh, no," said Bilkins. "The duplicates dated November 1st have come in and I don't have to keep these any longer."