Did you hear about the baseball manager who soothingly' admonished his prize outfielder?
"Kid," he said, "it's okay if you forget some of those batting tips I gave you. We just traded you."
The choir boys of the church were organizing a baseball team, and being short of equipment and money, decided to ask the pastor for assistance. The leading choir boy was authorized to contact the parson. He did, by means of this short note: "We would be glad for any financial aid you could give us. Also, could we please have the use of the bats that the sexton says you have in your belfry?"—Sunshine Magazine
In his sand-lot days Yogi Berra was playing one day under a manager who had instructed his players to swing at everything served up by the opposing pitcher unless the situation called for a bunt, in which case he would signal by pulling at his nose. How-ever, he said, if the batter noticed the opposition creeping in on him the bunt signal was off.
During the late innings, Yogi came to bat with none out and runners at first and second. Down two runs, the manager indicated a bunt. Berra promptly smashed the first pitch over the fielder's head, driving in three runs to win the game.
"You were supposed to bunt!" stormed the manager.
"I how," explained Berra. "But I seen that center fielder creep- in' in on me."—Joe Garagiola
Johnson & Johnson, the Band-Aid people, have put out a booklet for Little Leaguers entitled Baseball First-Aid Guide, which contains useful information for treating such expected ball-field injuries as dislocated fingers and heat exhaustion, but there is one entry which sounds an unexpected note.
"The effect of human bites," the Guide notes laconically, "can be as serious as animal bites."—Sports Illustrated
Brown was a cocky ball player. He struck savagely at the first pitch, but it went a foot around the end of his bat. He struck more viciously at the second pitch, but missed it also. He let the third pitch go by for a called strike.
Then he turned to the umpire and said, "Ump, you missed that one a little, didn't you?"
The umpire said, "You missed the first two, didn't you? Why should you care?"
Spyros Skouras asked Alfred Hitchcock if he'd seen "The Story of Ruth," and Hitch straight-faced: "No, I never go to baseball pictures."
Yogi Berra was extolling the prowess of his teammate, Mickey Mantle. "Mickey," said Berra, "can Mt just as good right-handed as he can left-handed. He's naturally amphibious."—Scholastic Coach
"It used to be that when a ball club was falling off at the gate it got some new players. Now it gets a new city."—Wall Street Journal
A radio announcer once asked Leo Durocher, manager of the New York Giants, "Barring the unforeseen, Leo, will your club get the pennant?" Back came Durocher's reply, "There ain't gonna be no unforeseen."
"Be sure you're right, then go ahead" is good advice especially for the base runner who has just rounded first.—M. Dale Baughman
Joe Garagiola, the former big league catcher turned broadcaster, kidding his boyhood pal, Berra, before the game (World Series).
"You amaze me, Yog," said Joe "You've now become such a world figure that you drew more applause yesterday than either Prime Minister Nehru or Herbert Hoover. Can you explain it?"
"Certainly," said Yogi. "I'm a better hitter."—Arthur Daley, N. Y. Times
"What do you call your baseball team?" asked Mrs. Brown of the little boy next door.
"Little Potaters, Ma'am," he replied.
"Why such an odd name?"
'Well, we're awful hard to skin!"
The baseball manager who had an ulcer was in his physician's office for a checkup.
"Remember," the doctor said, "don't get excited, don't get mad, and forget about baseball when you're off the field."
Then he added, "By the way, how come you let the pitcher bat yesterday with the tying run on second and two out in the ninth?"—Chicago Daily News
"A baseball fan is a spectator sitting 400 feet from the plate who can see better than an umpire standing five feet away."—Walter Slezak
A few years ago the Yankee star, Mickey Mantle, stumbled in the field and reinjured his bad knee. He was rushed to the hospital and went through a series of x-rays and examinations. One day between tests he sat on the terrace and talked to another patient, an elderly lady who knew nothing about baseball.
"How did you hurt your leg?" she asked.
"Playing ball," was the reply.
"Oh," said the lady, "won't you boys ever grow up?"—A.M.A. Journal
Marty Marion was making one of his infrequent appearances at home during his days as White Sox manager and at dinner, as usual, the little ones argued over who was to say grace. A small voice settled it:
"I think Daddy should say it, he's the guest."—Bun Tares, "Sports Wives," This Day
"The ball struck Berra on the right temple and knocked him cold. He was taken to Ford Hospital. X-ray pictures of Berra's head showed nothing."—New York Herald Tribune