MANAGER (five-and-ten-cent store)—"What did the lady who just went out want?"
SHOPSGIRL—"She inquired if we had a shoe department."
"Hades," said the lady who loves to shop, "would be a magnificent and endless bargain counter and I looking on without a cent."
Newell Dwight Hillis, the now famous New York preacher and author, some years ago took charge of the First Presbyterian Church of Evanston, Illinois. Shortly after going there he required the services of a physician, and on the advice of one of his parishioners called in a doctor noted for his ability properly to emphasize a good story, but who attended church very rarely. He proved very satisfactory to the young preacher, but for some reason could not be induced to render a bill. Finally Dr. Hillis, becoming alarmed at the inroads the bill might make in his modest stipend, went to the physician and said, "See here, Doctor, I must know how much I owe you."
After some urging, the physician replied: "Well, I'll tell you what I'll do with you, Hillis. They say you're a pretty good preacher, and you seem to think I am a fair doctor, so I'll make this bargain with you. I'll do all I can to keep you out of heaven if you do all you can to keep me out of hell, and it won't cost either of us a cent. Is it a go?"
"My wife and myself are trying to get up a list of club magazines. By taking three you get a discount."
"How are you making out?"
"Well, we can get one that I don't want, and one that she doesn't want, and one that neither wants for $2.25."